Have you ever been in a conversation and found yourself talking about the ministry or church where you lead and inadvertently turned the corner of “Too Much Information” and found yourself talking (and by talking, I mean venting) about the challenges (and by challenges, I mean problems) of ministry? Did you later regret how much you said and how you said it?
Been there.
There’s a better way, friend.
You need a trustworthy person with whom you can share the challenges you face in Christian ministry. You need someone tending to your spiritual health and development while you’re busy tending to everyone else’s. You need a safe, sacred space to encounter the Lord without all eyes on you.
Who in the world do you talk to?
Might I suggest a spiritual director?
A spiritual director is a partner with you in ministry whose primary role is encouraging your spiritual formation. They are professionals who have been trained (and sometimes certified) to serve as a spiritual companion to others. “Director” is a bit of a misnomer; “friends” or “companions” perhaps better convey their role in your life. They leave the directing to the Holy Spirit! A spiritual director is not going to solve your everyday ministry challenges, but they can hold space for you to explore these challenges with the Lord, provide outside insight into and fresh tools for your spiritual health and growth, and cheer you along as you step out in faith to grow in Christlikeness.
Spiritual Directors Hold Space With You
When you’re working with a spiritual director, you have a time reserved on your calendar that is dedicated to a spiritual check-in. (And you’ve paid for your session, and I don’t know about you, but if I’ve paid for something, I am showing up.) You might arrive at your spiritual direction meeting with burdens that you need to offload, or you might arrive feeling empty and spent. Either way—or somewhere in between—your spiritual director is there to listen to you, listen to the Lord, and invite you to listen to the Lord, too. This dynamic takes the pressure off of you to have all the spiritual answers at the ready. You don’t have to fix anything, solve anyone’s problems, or have it all together. You can be a bit of a mess because this conversation is confidential.
Many times, I have come to my spiritual direction appointment with no idea what I want to talk about, but as my spiritual director and I sit in silence together, God brings to mind what we need to discuss. I will process those things out loud with my spiritual director, and often, as I am talking through the issue, God provides a different perspective that I could not have seen on my own. During these appointments, I often encounter the Lord in ways that I don’t encounter him on my own. Most weeks, it’s a challenge to dedicate time and energy, not to mention finding a quiet place, to spend extended time with God.
Questions for Reflection
- When do you take time to reflect on what’s happening in your life and ministry and to engage with God on these things?
- Do you ever have the freedom to be a mess and not have it all together? Why or why not?
Spiritual Directors Provide Outside Insight
Ideally, your spiritual director is someone who you only know as a spiritual director. That is, you don’t have another type of relationship with them elsewhere. In ministry, we often find ourselves in complicated relationships where our pastor is also our boss. Or a coworker is also our roommate. Or your best friend is also your co-elder. These are examples of dual relationships, relationships in which one or both parties serve multiple roles. On the best of days, you and the other person probably jump roles multiple times without any issue. But in a stressful season or tough circumstance, jumping roles gets complicated, and often the relationship can become the challenge instead of the season or circumstance.
With a spiritual director you have a singular relationship without any of those complicated role-jumping dynamics that come with dual relationships. They’re just your spiritual director. As someone who is outside your context and relationship circles, your spiritual director can provide outside insight into your life and ministry. They have training and ministry experience that are different from yours and bring a different perspective.
I sought a spiritual director during my time with a counter-trafficking ministry. I raised my own financial support for that role, and many of my family members, friends, church acquaintances, etc. were also donors. It was difficult to be honest and transparent about my work because few people understood the dynamics of the anti-trafficking world. I never wanted to complain or process the difficulty of work around my inner circles because I felt like I could be putting my financial stability at risk.
Questions for Reflection
- Do you have a relationship that is singular without the complications of dual relationships?
- Is there anyone in your life providing insight from outside your ministry context, denomination, geographic location, etc.?
Spiritual Directors Provide Fresh Tools for Your Spiritual Health & Growth
It’s easy to get stuck in our denomination’s discipleship boxes. And for a period of time, especially as young or immature Christians, we need those boxes to develop our awareness of God, become disciples, and move into leadership. But each denomination has its strengths, challenges, and limitations, so eventually, if we want to continue to grow in our faith, we need to break out of our denominational discipleship boxes.
For many of us, that means exploring spiritual practices and modes of spirituality that predate the Reformation, that engage the writings of Christian mystics, and consider the outworking of the early church. Spiritual directors have practiced, studied, and been trained in teaching these things to their directees. Early in my spiritual direction journey, my spiritual director walked me through the key components of the spirituality of St. Ignatius of Loyola and provided exercises for me to practice in between our meetings. These practices were totally foreign to me, but they taught me to engage with God in new and fresh ways.
Questions for Reflection
- What spiritual practices are giving you life in this season?
- What was the last spiritual practice you learned?
Spiritual Directors Cheer You Along on Your Spiritual Journey
Our spiritual directors serve as companions on our spiritual journeys, and as companions, we give them permission to see the best and the worst in us. As our relationship with our spiritual director deepens over time, they can see our growth and call out that growth in us when we can’t see it for ourselves. They can see how we approach life and ministry challenges change, they can see our faith growing as we step out in faith more and more, and they encourage us every step of the way. And let’s face it, sometimes we just need a cheerleader to take joy in us and encourage us to keep going.
I think my spiritual director must have an extra dose of joy and encourager within her; she is often more excited about what the Lord is doing in my life than I am! She frequently reminds me of the journey I have been on since we started meeting in 2019, and she can see evidence of my faith growing and expanding when I can’t. We need more people like her in our lives!
Questions for Reflection
- When was the last time you were genuinely encouraged in your journey with the Lord? (Not your leadership, the sermon you preached, the project you finished, etc.!)
- Who is your greatest spiritual encourager who sees you and is watching you grow in your faith?
Take Action
Using each section’s questions for reflection, try this activity to reflect on Jesus as your ultimate spiritual director:
- Set aside an hour of time and find a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted or distracted. Out of your office or place of ministry is ideal. Silence your phone and devices.
- Spend 5-10 minutes quieting your body, mind, and soul by closing your eyes, breathing intentionally, sitting still.
- Consider each question for reflection and jot down your answers (handwritten is best). Try not to analyze your answers as they come to you; instead write down what immediately comes to mind as you read the question.
- What welled up within you as you answered these questions? Sensations in your body? Emotions? Thoughts? Close your eyes and imagine gathering up all those things and your list in a container of your choosing. Maybe a backpack, a basket, or a cart.
- Remembering that God is ultimately our spiritual director, imagine bringing Jesus your container and offer it to him. It’s maybe not be the prettiest of offerings, but it is what you have today. Ask Jesus for his words of love and encouragement toward you as you leave your container with him.
- Close your time with another few minutes in silence, meditating on God’s love toward you.
Concluding Thoughts
Christian ministry can be a lonely vocation, full of complex relationships and heavy responsibilities. You’ll often feel as though no one else in the world understands God’s call on your life or cares about your personal spiritual growth. A spiritual director, though not the answer to all of these challenges, is one relationship you can seek and foster to ensure you continue to grow in Christlikeness, engage with the Lord about life and ministry, and receive outside insight from someone who has been trained in spiritual formation.
Are you ready to find a spiritual director? Directories of spiritual directors can be found at GraftedLife.org and Spiritual Directors International.