For those of you who know me, you know that I don’t emote well. That is, I am a fairly even-keeled woman. Not much ruffles my feathers, and I am not prone to bouts of any emotion: anger, joy, distress, happiness, sadness, excitement, worry, etc.
But I am in the middle of a wild transition right now, and I am feeling ALL. THE. FEELS. My instinct is to protect myself. To tamp down the sadness I feel about leaving a job I love very much. To fight back tears when I remember how deeply I care about the people I’ve worked with the last two years and how much I will miss them. To ignore the discouragement I feel when people don’t meet my expectations. And on the other end of the spectrum: To quiet the dreams I have for my new ministry until I *really* begin working in January. To underplay how excited I am about the work I’ll be pioneering. To shush the joy I feel because the Lord is calling me to this new work.
The thing is, I feel the Lord challenging me to be vulnerable during this time. Challenging me to talk through my feelings with my family, friends, and coworkers and allow them to see how much all of this is affecting me. Sharing tears of sadness and of joy with them. Showing my rough spots and allowing my people to encourage me.
This is a whole new world for me, y’all, so pray for me. I have no idea what I’m doing out here in Touchy-Feeling Land. Pray that I will have the courage to be vulnerable during this time. That I will embrace these feelings. That I will share these feelings. There may be crying. (And this crying nonsense is for the birds, by the way.) There may be laughing. More than likely, there will be crying and laughing at the same time.